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The cold has set within. Whether interior or ex. it clarifies & confuses. We tend to fall either apart or collapse internally. Summer is over. Freedom restricted. & now death. Fall, Winter. In here the collapse is obvious & silent. Read across the faces. Resignation. Soon cabin fever. Some fight. Some, not all. Today I made my mind to. Though I want to give in and collapse. Indulge the obvious. Disappear as the moon dusts. FUCK THAT! Evan & Noah were disciplined with time-out chairs. Evan would beg, “please beat me”. Always the dramatic one. Today battling impending doom, I saw Evan in that chair & smiled. Isolation sucks. So easy to freak & go to the hole. & I thought of my responsibilities to myself, my friends, family. My society. Community. & the great letter I received from James. Stuck my nose in Exile and the Kingdom by Albert Camus. Truly a man that will guide me thru all of this. A gentle gifted giant. I’m still sick & dizzy. Very weak. I believe either low blood sugar or my heart again. Tomorrow night Noah & the Social. Oh, to run wildly into black. Before I run out on you, Howlin Wolf & Bo Diddley & the radio saves the day.

Later.