Tomorrow will be 1 week since 2 teeth were pulled. Went in for another treatment to cure dry socket. Last night a fever rose & tormented. I woke wet with sweat & unbearable pain. Got to see the dentist 6 hours later. “Yeah, it looks bad”. I try to tell him open heart surgery was a walk in the park. Where the right side of my mouth was pulled & torn open for initial extraction has bubbled up with canker sores. Impossible to eat or talk. A trick to drink. So we agreed to cauterize it. Explains to his assistant “This is why people hate going to the dentist”. All I wanted was a pain killer that worked, something I didn’t have to carry around in my underwear. I’ll keep you posted.
Rain covers the landscape forcing me to bed to read, sleep & write. Half way thru A Confederacy of Dunces. I think for perspective & balance I need some Beckett. Will read Schuyler’s Collected Poems. The only beauty within. At least in the afternoon – early evening the sky usually entertains with its complete Broadway cast. In the day room I remove my glasses & pretend I’m in a nursing home – prematurely.
Proofed “Hellbender” for Jonathan Hayes, kick ass poet. I was introduced to him by Richard Lopez. Jonathan is printing a broadside of that poem. I had forgotten it existed.
( I wrote it). I was so fuckin happy to get Jonathan’s letter & the proof. There is never a moment in here that I’m not ecstatic that poetry is my lover again. So blessed with my friends & family. Believe me, to remain positive is to win every battle keeping the war in the shadows.
Here are a few poems I constructed this past weekend. Noah’s birthday is Wednesday & I know Stacy’s is right there – but I have misplaced my mind.
Got amazing mail today – two photocopied William Wantling books & lovely letter from Richard Lopez – amazing letter of support & courage from Richard Hell - two Belladonna chap books & fantastic photos from Stacy Szymaszek & Erica Kaufman – and from my dear Kelly, a letter of updates, love & meditation. It’s hard not to sigh as the sun rises. The world in which I exist.
I thank you all.
Special thanks to Richard Lopez & Gina Meyers for their support of this blog on their blogs. Thanks, Cats.
Well the day is ending. My dentist had upped my meds to Tylenol with codeine.
A few convicts are shipped out tomorrow & more shipped in.
in my quiet way
for Noah 7-15-07
within a few
moment of joy
history and of
i can’t swim
yet have agreed
to swim the english
i begin later on a full stomach.
get my drift?
everything has meaning
though nothing matters
his hand upon mine
& i reciprocate.
an embrace shall be the only distance
will ever expect.
this fist shaped heart.
feet dangle from bunk
unconstructed labor, high
upon useless painkillers
i became billie joe macallister
of the tallahatchie bridge.
prison another method workshop.
flip to waterfront
black watch cap aggressive trundle
rain never enemy another sleepy constant
a newly wed bride.
my ship about to sink.
i love at a distance though never too large to deny.
it was said, he never fucked just made love.
how many years did we live
alongside the great lakes
& how many coffees
beer bad poetry
chicken fried steak
did we consume
& force isabelle
to walk off
no bars gates or rifles
will cease my naughty
when i said i was friends
didn’t mean drag
Good night & few words from George.
& now, George….
-Plato (from CRITO)
Tell me, then, whether you agree with and assent to my first principle, that neither injury nor retaliation nor warding off evil by evil is ever right…..
Judgment by God is a grace…judgment by man…is irrelevant….God doesn’t elect these judges… men do…& man is corrupt…so in other words, their judgment is evil…so by locking a man in a closet for stealing, just to feed his family, is not right. People make mistakes & those who tally the most are government officials… You hear about justice, state, government & correctional officials in the news being bogus everyday…And how many go to jail? or even get in trouble? Why not? They’re making mistakes, bad ones, like us, too… Since when are we, by law, exempt from punishment based on profession?
When did this happen? If you want criminals off the street, change your officials… Sit back & listen or watch your officials….pay attention… Just because a person thinks different is no reason to abey their life…
It’s the burning times all over again!...it’s hearsay & you’re gone-20-30-Life?...man, I just don’t know…….
So anyways, prison is one of those things that makes you or breaks you….If you’re weak minded you’ll become weaker. I haven’t had a visit or mail in almost 4 months. When I first got locked up….I got letters, visits and all at least every week…now it has slowed down. Out of sight out of mind…You really learn to fend for yourself in this environment. I’ve learned my occult practices…they help…meditation…& just happiness…ever since I’ve treaded this path…I’ve become so much happier…I used to have a cat…I wish for one here…there’s 3 cats & 4 rabbits that sneak in under the fence…they’re so docile…you can pet & feed them!
Well I shall leave you with a few words..
PLATO (from The Republic)
Listen, then, he said; I proclaim that justice is nothing else than the interest of the stronger.