It’s clear prison is packed full of criminals by definition/political ambition/stupidity. & like the outside world, they look, smell, talk & walk oh so similar. So for me the apartment, my neighbor – 404. The time I spent in 404 – smoking-powder-the crazy times. An alright friend who was never without a profound amount of dope. Yeah, where was I? – oh yeah- hypocrisy. I never denied I broke the law or two. Some conscience some un. Always lived an eventful life. Broke some hearts which I really regret. I would like to think I process as a factory – bring in, input raw product, inspiration & out comes my life. My footsteps. Words.Poetry. Love. (God it’s hot here. Must be out there!)
But for all my bitching about hypocrisy there are some incredible guys in here. Not quite welcome wagon but close to it. This is our train – our nation- our little island in the sun. Our movable feast. Within constraints what we make. Of it. Our time. I’m very upfront about mine – “ I’m John – got an internet crime”. “I’m Bob. 20 grams of powder”. “Sam, stabbed the guy who raped my fiancé” & so it goes. What we make of it. Our choice. No one else’s. Talk of childhood- smoking, first love, first crime( one @ 5, stabbing a playmate). Crazy, crazy stories. Sitting in the dayroom or the picnic benches, just like home out on the porches/kitchen table. These guys are always surprised to seem my #.
“First time in prison?” “Yep”. “Don’t look like it”. “Thanks”. It is a compliment. First timers are like drunken deer on first day of hunting season.
So I guess I’m getting to that point that if you can’t understand you’re in prison & your crime. Deemed by the state puts you next door – same cell – with someone who killed. You need to look in that mirror. You need to talk to that person & understand the nature, purpose of this prison. Any prison. With or without bars. I attempt & succeed with that conversation every day. I know I’m alive cause I’m in here & whether I’m in here for this or that crime, I’m here & I have broke the law. & I do seek forgiveness. Acceptance. Love. Frankly I’m freaked out. So many examples of blinding, I mean blazing sun blinding support. My friends in SF who have never ceased as my friends. In Milwaukee, New Orleans, Philadelphia, NYC, Baltimore & now all, if not most of you. I thank you. From the top of my heart to the bottom of my soles. Not only do I want to understand – explain-cry-laugh-scream with joy ( my grandson soon to be here). I want to come out of this ahead. Will I be good? – probably not. Will I be a better, wiser, more honest – perhaps a better poet? Well for this once I’ll let all of you decide. Comparison? Well, I don’t know. I guess you’ll have to base it on my word(s) – actions.
There is no doubt in my mind that this sentence was/is extreme. There is no doubt it has and will help politicians to get reelected & nighttime smoother. & There is no doubt there are those with similar crimes with an added smoking gun that is of some concern. I’m here & time flies. As I said & will say time & time again – look over your shoulder – look over your shoulder good. This country who I love & adore has taken a turn that will not truly benefit. Now talk about National Health Care or even affordable health care – getting out of Iraq – an investigation into the ones who have profited greatly. Look at our environment – our dependency on oil. The king is naked & the magician has nothing, nothing up his sleeves. If that’s you Ron K. who is trying to reach me give me your g.d. address.
Over and out. I’m back to sweating & sweating & sweating. I’ll say hey to Steve McQueen.