I rebuke the idea. Practice. Concept. Guilty by association. Neither judge nor jury am I.
I walk the yard whether I’m alone or with company. A simple act. As I said in the past, we talk. Walking is a great introduction. So we talk of the weather, our health, our family, our friends, of prison. I have no need to know of their crime. Two reasons – first it’s the past & second, usually the crime is pretty bad, painful & frankly, upsetting. But if they want to discuss their crime so be it. You understand? It’s a combination of common sense & the teachings of Christ. “let he who is without sin, cast the first stone”.
Anyhow, my philosophy has me judged & cast into the group in which is judged.
Fuck em. I talked with my buddy who also is involved with this bullshit. Understands my point. Understands me. A man of character. I’m not loosing any sleep. Prison presents a number of challenges – to trust or not to. To engage or ignore. The concept is simple. We come in here alone. We leave alone. I believe that. But I also believe in train relationships. That which we travel is simply only so much time, so much distance, how well we engage. How close? I’ve met a few I want to know forever, George, B., Mark, Gary & Josh. Sure I hold dear anyone I call friend, but remember this island is sinking. Solidarity, honesty, trust? Brotherhood? Good luck. Sure it exists. Find that needle. Walk upon that water. I’m not soft. I fight my anger – bitterness, sadness. Not quite Jedi but I’ve exited enough forests to see them thru the trees. What I’m saying, I walk palms open. My fist a simple reflex. My words my gift. My anger my albatross.
Reading Franny & Zooey – I adore Salinger. Truly a remarkable writer & started reading Angels Dance & AngelsDie. I love Jim Morrison. Everything I read smashes into a thought or dream or something I need to resolve. I’m grateful for books. Good books.
A number of friends have asked what do I need – shall we post a wish list? Kelly can coordinate. I’m not too needy and I won’t be a burden. If this request is tacky I understand & have no intention of offending. I’m unable to get a job here due to my medical condition. My needs are almost non-existent – boots & misc clothes. With that I leave you with a thanks. Thanks for listening….for being here.
I remain, The Old Man.
Leto II, the God Emperor (from Dune Series) – Frank Herbert
When I set out to lead humanity along my golden path I promised a lesson their bones would remember. I know a profound pattern. Humans deny with words even while their actions affirm it. They say they seek security and quiet, conditions they call peace. Even as they speak, they create seeds of turmoil and violence.
Everywhere I look…I’m sad to see we can’t get along…in here inmates need to stand together, not in violence but in mind…on the streets or, out side of prison…neighbors, family & friends need to stand strong. Too many people lash out these days on those they love…..and to what affect? Is a delicate tower, when one part is damage, the lot of the whole is affected. I know we will never have a world united in a like mind of peace, but the more people we get….the better it would be.
It has just dawned on me that I don’t talk much about my life in here. My average day consists of work – 8:00 – 8:30 am (only to pick up garbage) Mon-Thurs. Friday’s chapel (pagan services @ 8:00 – 9:30 am) then 12:45 work again til 1:30 – M-F. That’s always the same………..Sometimes I go to the library, gym, & other places. Mostly in the yard. I played volleyball today…don’t know who won. Don’t care.
Saw my mom for the first time since Christmas. She still hurts from her back surgery. My stepdad also came….these are two important and special people to me. September 5th we plan on having a birthday party for me & my Grandma. She’ll be 69. I’ll be 24 & it’ll be the first birthday party for me since ’02.
I’ll leave it at that….here is yet another quote from Plato.
Arguments, like men, are often pretenders.